Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
