When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
this must be what syphilis tastes like
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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