I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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