is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
