Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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