Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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