Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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