you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
