My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
