I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
