fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My penis needs a shock collar
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
