He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
