YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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