so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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