if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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