No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
