he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
