i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
