i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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