i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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