My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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