He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
