For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
