i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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