I bet he comes in French.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
