he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
