you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
