My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
