Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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