I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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