Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
