He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
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