i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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