kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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