her vagina looked like bernie madoff
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
