redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
