I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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