I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
