He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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