did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
