i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
