She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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