Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
