He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
