i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
