You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
