remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
