Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
