i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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