My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hippo gnu deer
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
