If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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