We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
