can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
