I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
