I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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