Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
