What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
