Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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