Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
