We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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