Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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