I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
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Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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