Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
