omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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