I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
