You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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