He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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