So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
