He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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