yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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