She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
