Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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