i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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