and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sorry about my life...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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