Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
